Come On In and See...

"What's Cookin!"

on the-

BackChannel

In Jambojonusa's Voodoo Kitchen ™

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Q: "How can you tell he's lying?"
A: "He's a politician and his lips are moving."

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Read My Lips This is one power packed ad man! the specs on this little beauty are- ...A whopping 75 frame .gif! Of which only 15 frames are "seeable" as advertising. There are 60 frames (count em!) stuft with a secret algorhythm based on classified "side channel" data that was discovered to reside in the low delta brainwave range back in 1983 as part of an ongoing MKULTRA/DARPA R&D project into brainwave harmonics. What this amounts to is that the animated graphic works more effectively as a sub-sub subliminal message. This message is then stenographically embedded into the graphic in such a way as to be "wrapped inside another algorhythm which serves as a decoy. This "shell" is made in such a way as too look like the real program but it isn't.* Needless to say, virtually Nobody has been able to discover what is hidden in the 60 "missing" frames. Every time the sign flashes a new message, 140,999,001 new neurons in the viewers brain are "captured". This captured block can be programmable at a distance utilizing the natural flicker of your computer screen. Needless to say, this sub- sub threshold technique is one of the most hard to detect & impossible to block. It is guaranteed to hypnotize the viewer into voting the straight Nobody ticket! (Nobody for Prez, Senator, Congressman, Governor, Sheriff, Mayor, Judge and Dogcatcher!) Yep this is the new model for controlling elections on into the visible (& invisible!) future. All this and more is being cooked up and getting ready to be served as a side dish to the usual nauseating fare generally served up by our political competitors as appropriate "electioneering engineering". Tweak With this mon- Right here in jambojon's Voodoo Kitchen. total weight: of graphic, 147 kb Now you see why I waited to tell you this until after you viewed it. heh heh You are now controlled by Nobody. Repeat after me...."Nobody can give me a post hypnotic suggestion"... Your first assignment if you choose to take it is.... Walk into the New Millenium with Nobody on your Back. * actually the "shell" algoryhthm is an elborate trap for the end viewer/user in itself. Anyone who runs this program mistaking it for the real program by defintion, becomes a "sleeper" agent whose every action is programmed and controlled by Nobody. Whereas, AnyBody who knowingly runs the real program is also totally programmed and controlled by Nobody. This is a fine distinction, but an important one.

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A Little About Our New PR Man Our Headless Politician I have been searching for a front man, a man with a consistent but yet an unforgetable face to associate with our constant campaigning. If Charleston Heston's face does it sooo well for the NRA...you know? We need somebody like that. You see them all the time standing in front of a microphone at some important press conference or another. We need one of those PR types desparately. You can tell who they are just by looking at them. They are the same guy actually. Just change the hairwave, the forthright smile and the jut of a jaw...This one guy is there in all of em. They all have that same something This "something" is absolutely valuable in their breed. They all have that "generic" appearance guaranteed to win your trust. So I figured our guy must look completely like a generic politician too! Because that's the only kind that gets elected nowdays. Our search for such an obvious leader type is with good reason. We need sombody like that. So far our campaign hasn't had this one essential item for entry into politics. Face. That unforgetable face. Forget brains. Politics isn't about brains, its about Face. Our campaign has sorely needed a public face. This has now been rectified. Behold, if not our beloved leader, at least our beloved figurehead. We needed someone with a face that ya just can't forget. I think I can safely say that this requirement has been neatly bypassed. (How perfect can it get in any politician? Our guy just simply can't lose face, or won't lose his head in a crisis.) heh heh Our Mr.SomeBodyMan stands for the very antithesis of a Talking Head. America has more than enough talking head types. Bad talking heads are almost as prolific as bad politicians. Who needs one? We on the other hand have got exactly what we wanted. SomeOne who by their very aura, their exalted job description and the clothes he wears, would automatically lend that golden patina of respectability to our campaign. Yep. That's what we wanted. And made to order too! And that's what we got. In spades. Now we can throw down the gauntlet, and confidently proclaim that- NOBODY CAN BEAT GEORGE BUSH. Take a look around. Do the Dem's have anyone on tap that could remotely do it? And we all know that if they can't do it, Nobody can. See what I mean? That's the commonly accepted wisdom isn't it? And that's politics rigged from top to bottom for you too. But then every once in a while the unpredictable happens. It can happen even in the throughly rigged sham elections the USA sponsors as the real thing. From out of nowhere, a Dark Horse emerges and upsets EveryBody's applecart. Could our guy actually be a major supercontender in 2004? I figure its a natch, a cakewalk, a steal. But only you, John & Jane Q. Voter can decide. In any case our special made to order PoliticalMartMan must be SomeOne that you can trust at a glance. (In this case, he is an it, and an it being a SomeThing, is certainly not a SomeOne. That's an easy one. There's no need to pass our headless guy off as a "SomeBody", which is after all a trick used all the time to sell us another cheap politician. My readership is amongst the least gullible on the planet. Nobody would fall for that one would we? He simply isn't a person in any sense of the word. No more than today's politicians are convincingly real people.) But none of this matters anymore. This is the new politics of advertising, of the advertising in politics at work. He works a lot better as a "brand name figure" than he does say as a prominent sports figure endorsing Nike's anyway. Live human politicians simply are not needed anymore. They are nearly a thing of the past. Our guy will do just fine in this new mileu of extremely clonedboyplasticpoliticians. As an advertising medium, he's more like the Pillsbury Doughboy you see. Who has to be real to sell a product? In short he makes the perfect anti-media, media man. For as generic as he is, there is Nobody quite like him. He'd stand out even in a roomful of crowded politicans. A breath of fresh air. Do you think that there is some sort of maximal charisma at work here maybe? Or is it nothing more than he has such a reassuring face? You just know that when he speaks, it is in a low, slow, comforting baritone. In short, he's the perfect politician. What I really wanted was SomeBody with that sanitized & "safe" look. That's relatively easy to do in America. A post-WWII, 50's style "Eisenhower" flavor seemed in order. Something that would take you and me back to the days when you could lay trust in the advertiser's product. ...(pre-Twinkies and Pillsbury Dough Boy the last time I checked. Back before the days where watching hemmoroid commercials would give you hemmoroids.) Back to a time where I could with good conscience, vote a straight Democratic ticket. It has been for many of the same reasons I felt comfortable buying American and now don't bother so much anymore. Back before we got sold down the river lock stock and barrel to the highest bidding corporations. Back when the "product" did what the makers said it would do. And the claims were made with maximum honesty and minimum of fanfare. Back when a brand label had some backup in reality. Back when America worked and meant something more than the elite's "steal US blind & throw US away wage-slave pool of worker drones". I mean what good is nostalgia, if you can't lie to yourself about the past? And its directly to you, that our guy appeals to. You know? You. You as in "the masses". That's right. We have researched what you'll buy 6 ways from Sunday. You're hooked already. You. Right where you are sitting now. You allow yourself to be repeatedly & comfortably hypnotized by somebody or in this case, something. Don't worry about it. Its a routinely occurence in the world that advertising and politics made. Hey, this is the cutting edge, where the big two control games in town meet! Its exciting here. You may pretend to join us right now. The raw power of it is heady. You may as well get used to us getting out the vote on you. Good old John & Jane Q. PublicVoter. ("You just gotta love them!" snerk snerk) Using the latest ultra generation of technical toys, your vote is as controlled as most other facets of your existence here in the Free World. Feel safe in knowing that your thoughts and decision making capabilities are lovingly guided by hands greater and wiser than yours. But never mind that just now. Meet our Ad Guy. Shake hands. Look him in the eye. He's a guy you would feel comfortable around if you only knew him better. The search is ended. Trust us. We have found him. A politician you can trust.

Here's more... if you wish to read it After all, being that this Nobody shit appeals only to whackos, and lunatic leftists, right? Now can you see why we really need this guy?! Right? Otherwise, there'd be nothing "mainstream" about our campaign. Forget how sensible an idea...and fair None Of The Above would be as a voting reform measure. Its still a whacko idea because it isn't espoused let alone ordained by any other party...whacko is what it is. This dismal state of internal affairs within our organisation of having no one to lead us, is insufferable, and a fact we wish to hide. In order to survive, Nobody for President must look and act like a normal political party. We fully understand that. We MUST BLEND IN with the dominant political and cultural norms in order for our ideas to be taken seriously. I mean without one slick sales job, who is going to take Nobody for President seriously? Ha ha, NOBODY! That's who. For that matter without a seriously slick sales job, would AnyBody have taken Clinton, or now Bush seriously? And furthermore, if I'da wanted you to take me seriously, I would have gone into the religious ministries, not politics. Nobody for Prez is if nothing else, an excercise in honesty. Thinking about it in those terms, this may be our campaign's major drawback. Politics and honesty just don't mix. Nevertheless I am looking for ways to expand Nobody's appeal, ya know. Not knowing where to look for "my kind of advertiser", I decided to create one out of whole cloth. So I asked an artist friend draw one up to order. Sure the man is headless. Should that bother AnyBody? Why get hung up on a politician's face? For what? So you can look em in the eyes wanting to believe their promises while they lie to you? Perhaps if our Nobody Guy had a face, it would drain away anything meaningful that was flashing away on the message board he's holding, aye? Perhaps that is exactly what is going to happen when you next see Bush's face on the TV screen. If that is so, a painless but thorough braindeath awaits you. "Go then sweetly into the darkling night..."

& a lil more... This sorry state of US affairs will have to change if Nobody is to quit running in & winning every godamned election, and hand the reins of power back over to EveryBody in equal measure. Which is where power belongs. Firmly in the hands of "We The People". Not in the hands of slick mealymouthed career politicians. This is where, in my opinion, the only place where power can be wielded safely. Isn't that what democracy is all about? Then going along with the "I quit" scenario, Nobody, with mission accomplished, could get out of politics entirely. Imagine Nobody quietly retiring down to his digs. His ranch outside of Austin Texas, or Nome Alaska. Or perhaps the retirement would be a real one. He'd enter or re-enter a cloister near Abilene TX or is Muskatouchy MN? The main thread here is not where but the fact Nobody retires from politics. Yes Nobody's mission is a difficult one. It is to quit winning. That's right. To engineer a loss. Not just any loss, but a special kind of loss. You see, Nobody is working for the day when EveryBody wins and Nobody loses. A taaall order in today's world is it not? But not impossible. Merely highly improbable any time soon. Which is the best reason I have heard all day to urge you to- GET THE LEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, JOIN THE WINNING TEAM & START CAMPAIGNING FOR NOBODY. There. With that said...for a win win game to unfold, it takes more than changing ones mind or the face of a leader in the next election. It takes a change of heart. This is where being a visionary and whacko comes in handy. Nobody actually thinks this is possible! Perhaps as early as 2112. And to think that this would happen in the political arena! It sounds a whole lot like what church is supposed to deliver. Gee whiz, maybe the president really is God. Let me let you in on a secret. Speaking in terms religious, Our idiot prince, George Bush II is Nobody's at'all, The Most High's secret weapon to help this overprophecied win / win situation to come about. At every turn he has read his script perfectly, even if he is always mangling the delivery. So far he has always done the perfectly transparent "dumb deed". Never has there been a President this dimwitted or a group of advisors so blind. Its the perfect set-up! He and his cronies are being outmanuevered at every turn and are too stupid to realize it. Now its up to US to set him straight. We will endure his reign as we resist it. We will take back America. The public spaces are ours. On the web, out in the wilderness areas, in the streets, at the polls. America is OURS to make into a freer, fairer, friendlier country. Make it closer to the heart's desire. US means yours and mine. I'll tell ya one thing America is not. Its not for some tin-plated, pansy-assed wanna be dictator from Texas and his two bit blowboy frat friends to divvy up between themselves. ...and that's what only Nobody has the balls to say. Until next time we can get together and chat intimately like this about all things political, here's jambojon at your service. P.S. The menu here at Voodoo Kitchen, while extremely nourishing, is dedicated to wrecking your mind and ruining your rectum. Or is that the other way around? Consider yourself warned. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - nifty lil political quizz thingie Question 1: How can us Nobodys actually compete in the political arena and still retain our integrity? Answer: Who says we have to compete on any of the lousy terms being offered, to get what we are after? Screw the political arena. Mainly its bottom feeding enema bags & slushpumps that want anything to do with it. US folk, we just go about doing what it takes to build a world that works better. With the emphasis on an happier healthier planet & all its peoples. Just keep on popularizing the thinking that goes into doing that. Besides, where's the integrity in entering dirty backstabbin politics anyway? Question 2: What are you Nobodys after? Answer: That's easy. A world where EveryBody wins. Question 3: Now that's all fine and dandy. How do you propose to go about getting it? What's your political program? Answer: Nobody knows! Only time will tell.

Being Served Up Soon! In the Voodoo Kitchen.

The Rationale, The Extreme Benefits and The Crying NEED of Employing
The Reverse Enema Interrogation Technique in Intractable Criminal/Political Investigations

Public Puking The Last Bastion Of Freedom for Tomorrow's Street Demonstrators?

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